To follow my dreams...or not to follow my dreams...

In recent news, if you've not heard, a 16 year old girl named Abby with much sailing background and extensive knowledge of the activity set sail a few months ago to circumnavigate the planet in her sailboat, making her the youngest person to do so alone. Now, after losing her mast, the girl's dreams are crushed as she is waiting for rescue to come. The questions being asked are all of the nature if it's a dream that should be frowned upon due to stupidity, or if she should be praised for not sitting on her ass all day.

These are just my opinions and I want to make an educated decision about the whole thing. Abby is a girl who, though she's had much training and experience, might have been or maybe wasn't ready to sail alone around the world. I don't want to be naive about the situation, but I think this girl's act of exploration is incredibly wonderful. To say "I am no longer going to waste away, I am not going to be a nobody" is brave and noble. If I had courage enough to say such things without letting out a small whisper of fear, I could be doing so much more...but you know...I am doing this. I am wanting to follow my dreams. Those dreams in most parts do not include San Jose any longer. Those dreams include living on a couch, hiding, secluded and in the dark for now. Those dreams include trying to make it through until August. These are the dreams I am following. I am doing it to the best of my ability. Quietly hearing the typing of my poor dying computer and the sound of the air vents and building's noises. This small room offers so much opportunity. The opportunity to start an internship. The opportunity to work on future yearbook stuff. The opportunity to grow with my friends and form a greater bond.

I am living my dream. This dream is not easy and I do get lonely sometimes. I do wish I had a bed. I do wish that I knew I would be able to make it through August. But I don't...and that's okay. Some day it won't be like this. Some day, this dream will expand. I'm in the pre-dream stage. It's not very pretty, but for now, it keeps me going. It's a mini adventure. This room, this summer...it's my sailing effort...my fight to get ahead. My dream.

Simple day...nevertheless another day of breath.

So...I had a fairly productive day today. I worked on sending applications to a few differently places this morning. I filled out a questionaire to Michael's this morning which took about 40 minutes...so maybe this will be my big chance. Im praying that I get this job as I would love to work there. After that, I left for the Mac Lab where I worked on a TOP SECRET project for a little bit and researched some graphic design ideas. I was particularly enthused about it as I was in a design mood this morning. I worked on research for a while and left for the volleyball court where I played some Volleyball with Brad, Scott, Dana, Kelsey, Anna and couple of people I didn't know but after a few fun rallies, we called it quits. Something I love about Volleyball is feeling of being active. It may not mean much to some, but I love it. I love feeling like a part of a team. I love the falling onto the hot sand and sweating a ton. I know...it's kinda gross...but like...seriously...I SUCK at vball...but i don't care. Usually, the group I play with is chill and none of us are experts. Today, one of the guys I didn't know was taking it too seriously I think. He spiked the ball and was a bit impatient when some of us were laughing at ourselves. Dana then took us out on a spin in her new Ford Escape. Her new name is Lucy and it's a gorgeous 30,000 mile SUV...it was weird to think about Bella, and the good and bad times we've had in it, but the new car is quite nice as well. Scott and I then drove to Reds which is where we currently are as I sit waiting for Justin and the others to pick me up to drive to Best Buy.

Welcome June...Hello San Diego

How does one go about blogging about life? I suppose one way would be to just simply write everything down...EVERY single rememberable detail. This is what I will try to do in order to preserve my thoughts and my memories.

To start however...I shall recap...

Point Loma, home of perfect weather, sea lions, and of course my current life is so ridiculously wonderful. Full of life and opportunities, though I hesitate to say so in order to prevent the knowledge of such a life to the public, Point Loma is where I was fortunately placed in order to start fresh. Leaving High School behind, I decided to attend PLNU back in 2007. Never have had the chance to make my own adult choices, I was now handed the responsibility badge. What the hell was this? I had to learn to survive and I was placed with others who never received a how-to-guidebook and were winging it just as I was. It was there that I made most of the friends I would have for the next four years of my life...my Loma Family. I grew up some, but I was still a teenager...who wasn't sure what to do with all of this new freedom. Well, I made some good choices and of course plenty of bad ones...but both my freshman year and sophomore years were wonderful.

THEN...I became a Junior...

So what...right??? No... Junior year changed my life...literally. I dived into my first real relationship with someone I loved. Following that, my soph. roomie Justin and our mutual friend Kalika decided to try the dating thing together and BOOM POW...I'm in my ninth month and they're in their eighth. So then what...well...I was abroad when Claire and I decided to try us out again...see, we were together for a month my sophomore year, but that didn't work out, but that's okay...it's all about timing and apparently, I had to be in Florence, Italy when the time was right! Traveling abroad was so incredibly wonderful. Some of my earlier tales are blogged about in my Just Love Europe blog. I definitely had to learn to grow up a lot while abroad. I had no idea that traveling abroad would force me to change so quickly. I gained a lot of self confidence in Europe. NO one was going to step all over me any more. Sometimes, I wonder if perhaps I am overly confident...anyways. I was given life. I wasn't ashamed to dance...I was excited. I would often hit the clubs up with friends and fellow travelers. We grew as a family as we shared our experiences together. Following such a tremendous semester, I returned to school where I had a roommate for about three weeks, and then...i could no longer afford to stay in the dorms. It was a scary times, but prayer and blessings were abundant and it was incredible how I was able to stay. I finished the semester, I actually fell in love with Graphic Design and now here I am...excited to start up my internship and classes for summer. I'm very excited for the opportunities San Diego has and continues to present.

I shall now begin the my summer after finishing my Junior year at PLNU by first beginning with Wednesday of this past week.

I must say, this past week showed me how I can be active if I just put my mind to it. For starters, I went Kayaking with friends to Humphrey's Concert hall on Shelter Island. It was Scott and Suzanne, Dana, Kelsey, Mikey and Aubrey, and Matt. With a fun group and a good spirit, we kayaked across the bay to Humphrey's to watch Crosby, Stills, and Nash rock it like they did way back when. Kelsey and I laughed a lot, due to the fact that we had no idea what any of the songs were. It was enjoyable however and it was exciting to really get out on the water and feel alive. There's something about feeling alive that makes me want to just...live! I know that sentence sucked, but hey...sometimes, my thoughts don't make complete sense. Anyways...it was so great to have row and though I was last, I still enjoyed it. I was sore, though I had anticipated to be much more sore. The smell of the bay, the rush of seeing the water gleam as I pushed my oar through the it's glassy surface. It was so exciting! Of course...earlier, I hadn't done myself any good by watching a whale jump in the air and watching it land upon some innocent kayakers. I was a little nervous as I had plunged into the water as my kayak had taken on a couple of inches of water by the time we had got out and left. Nevertheless...it was fun.

The next day was wonderfully relaxing, but it was friday that was exceptionally fun. I met up with my buddy Scott after working on wedding invites for a friend to experience that rush and awesome sensation again. We kayaked further across the bay and even had a couple of close encounters with our neighborhood sea lions. The swam away, but the thought that we knew nothing that was going on below us was a little scary. I've always had a fear of sharks and the thought of an attack was on my mind, though we were in the bay, usually shark free. It was so incredibly fun and we both had a blast hanging out together. We then decided to hit up the volleyball court with Dana, Kelsey and a couple of other friends, some of which I was happy to meet. We played 8 or so games, but it was time to leave because Justin, Kalika, David and I were expecting to leave Point Loma for LA where Justin lives. I showered and got ready. I packed and was ready to leave. We hadn't driven far when we decided to eat dinner at Soup Plantation, though it was late and filled ourselves to the brim. It was quite late by the time we got on the road, but we did and we drove to Justin's house, playing a couple of fun games along the way. We watched Prison Break...we're hooked...and then went to sleep.

Saturday, we slept in and had breakfast burrito's that Justin's mom made and drove to FroyoLife. That was probably the best fro yo I have ever had especially with their grapefruit flavor. OMG!!! Anyways...we finished and went to our dear friend Mary's Aunt's house who welcomed us into her home. We sat and ate some delicious rice pudding which Mary's Aunt had made for Mary as she had just had her wisdom teeth pulled the day before. We also played a few incredibly fun games and we soon left back to Justin's house where his mom had bbq chicken made for us. How yummy that was! She also made sticky rice and Kimche(SP) which was pretty good too. We decided to relax and watch an episode of prison break and go to sleep.

Sunday was very fun filled also. We went to church and went to Island's to eat some incredibly tasty Burgers. We then went to the Moca Museum of Contemporary art where memories of Gallery reviews and museum visits from Europe swam across my mind. It was so much fun as we looked at people's work. We had a small photo adventure around the outside of the museum and then headed back to Justin's, though Mary's driving was something to talk about in itself. Let's just say, I would not want to race her...she's quite the speed demon, though she handles her car fairly smooth for how quickly she weaves through traffic. Lol. Jon and Brian then joined us back at Justin's house and we all had buckwheat noodles with squid, shrimp, egg, and cabbage. Delicious! So good! We repeated some of the previous games from the previous day as we had had so much fun and once again, they were entertaining. We went out again later to have some more grapefruit yogart and then we went to the secret spot where we overlooked Justin's small town. I had the chance to talk to claire as well and that concluded Sunday.

Monday was also exciting. We had lunch at "House of Joy" where I had some tasty Mandrin Fried Rice. We then decided to go to some local Korean markets where I tried some new foods and rekindled a love for a past favorite. I found these small Jelly filled cups which my mom used to buy for me at the Chinese Market when I was very young. Of course, YanYan's were a must buy and I was very happy with our day. We headed back to the house where Justin, Kalika and I swam. The grape flavored Jelly cups, as with most Grape flavored foods are my least favorite so we dived for them in the pool. We swam for a good while and then got ready to head back to Point Loma, our home away from home.

Now here I am...filling up the endless internet space with my memories...maybe someone who's bored will read about my exciting life. For now, this is my life...which I can't help but Just Love.

John

The summer before it really starts

Summer...it's a time to relax and let your mind just be. My brain tends to normally be lazy but there's something that's different this year. I don't know why, but I feel so...I dunno...I want to be extremely active and I want to do well in school next semester and over achieve and I want to get a job this summer and I want to design. Oh my gosh how I want to design. I've never wanted to design as much as I have wanted to this summer. I've been researching design and talking about design. I'm freakin writing my own curriculum. It's ridiculous. I want to write three children's books, I want to do an internship...I'm taking a graphic design class that I don't have to...what is WRONG with ME!!!!??????

It's like...I don't even know what's going on! I want to make money so that I can save for the future and for my senior show...I've even thought about getting two jobs...what the hell? I am so ridiculous and I hope it doesn't end. I am getting lonely in the newspaper room. It's soooo dark in there and quiet. I don't know how to keep myself sane as I have NO reception in the room and I feel so...excluded. It's all my fault, but I dunno...I miss my girlfriend. I miss my sister, I miss my Sister-in-law and niece and nephew, I miss my friends who have gone home...

i've now almost finished setting up my web site. It's kinda exciting! Eeek...now...i'm gonna go play some video gamies with my friendsies...yay! For now...ta ta...for later...lata?

Surge

The world...right now...is so perfect, yet years away from true perfection.  What is this place and state of mind? Where has my mind escaped to? The idea that one's emotions can be so quickly changed frightens me. A mood of solitude can instantly be playful and social. So what then. Do I continue to allow such emotions to change so rapidly? Of course! Who wants to be stuck in a point of misery. 

Lack of inspiration for my photo's has been really depressing. I don't know why, but it may have something to do with a new excitement for graphic design. I hate it so much yet want to submerge myself in this world of computers and technical skill. I just want to hold on to it for some reason and when I'm back into it, it gets me genuinely excited. However, now that that creativity flows into my head, slowly but surely, my photo's begin to lose a certain quality in them. So what do I choose? To be completely in love and dedicated to art of a graphic kind or to let my heart swim in photography, my most beloved artform? Or should I simply exhaust myself and try to spew ridiculous amounts of creativity until I may be so tired that I am left with no urge to create at all? I dunno.

What is it about new colors that creates an emotion in me? First, i see the color, and then I think, wow thats a beautiful [windy grey (adj + color)]. Suddenly, I squirm with ideas and color combo's. I don't try to, it just happens. It's actually quite scary sometimes how my mind works in color. I love it though. If I could enjoy one thing for the rest of my life besides my girlfriend, perhaps it'd be color. How wonderfully satisfied I am when I see a beautiful palette of colors assorted and combined to create something glorious. I almost feel as though i'm the little rat from ratatouille. His passion for food is indescribable. Far different from his friends who enjoy the simple life of food from the trash. When he bites into something, and combines those flavors with some other savoring thing, there are flashes of calm, cool, emotions or surges of energy and explosions of happiness, depending on what it is. Instead of flavorful explosions in my mouth, I have bursts of feelings in my eyes and my heart. I really do think that it effects my heart.  

I wish that I could write. I feel as though I'm much too scatter brained to keep anyone's attention. There are much more feelings within, but those will have to wait for another day.

-John